


it's better to be held than holding on

by sensaetion



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan-centric, Canon Compliant, Depression, Kinda?????, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, i don't know how to tag, their relationship can be seen as platonic or romantic it's up to you!!!, these tags might be misleading idk i'm sorry sdfghjkl, woojin turns chan's emo hours into soft hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 08:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16281431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensaetion/pseuds/sensaetion
Summary: Chan worries too much and in turn, Woojin worries about him.





	it's better to be held than holding on

**Author's Note:**

> this is set before minho and felix were eliminated, but during the survival show stuff!!!!!!!

This is the first time Chan has had enough time to relax in what feels like ages. In the days leading up to today, he would stay up much too late to be healthy every day changing and worrying over their tracks, wondering endlessly if this is good enough for JYP, the fans, the rest of Stray Kids-- good enough for _himself_. If he should change the instruments here or ask Felix to say something for this part. There's too much at stake for there to be even the slightest of a mistake in any of their songs. If anything, not just the music, isn't the best that it can be, one of the members might not get the chance to debut, even after working so hard for it.

Now, though, Chan is finally done. His fellow members seem happy enough with the songs, and if they're happy, he's happy. (For the most part, anyway.) He came home today earlier than he has in months... it was only three ten when he walked through the door.

When he'd taken a long, hot shower a few minutes prior, his mind had been full of nothing but radio static. Maybe it didn't know what to do with itself now that he actually has enough time to think. He sinks back in his mattress and wraps the blankets around himself tightly, exhales as he finally allows the exhaustion to catch up with him and settle deep within his bones.

Except no matter how long he waits, he can't sleep.

This usually isn't a problem. In fact, usually he nods off in front of his screen while working on songs. He'd already taken melatonin, so it's not because of how fucked up his sleep schedule is. (He rolls over onto his left side and squeezes his eyes shut, feels something cold and heavy as it presses against his chest.)

Maybe the melatonin wasn't strong enough. (The weight seems to build gradually, and eventually it feels like an anvil, crushing his lungs and blocking his airflow.) 

Maybe he can't sleep because he isn't as tired as he thought. (The room is so dark, and he feels so small.)

Or maybe it's because he can hear something over the radio static now.

Chan throws the blanket off of himself and swings his legs over the side of the bed, careful not to make a noise. His roommates, Woojin and Minho, need all of the rest that they can get. He slips through the skinny gap in the door and makes his way over to the sofa in the living room without a clear purpose in mind. He's moving on autopilot now, all he knows is that he needs to get out. He picks up the jacket hanging off one of the arms of the sofa (courtesy of Jisung) and is about to throw it over his shoulders when he hears the footsteps coming from behind him, light but tired and a little sluggish. He knows who it is before he even turns around.

Woojin.

"Chan," his voice is soft and gentle, maybe a litle raspy from sleep. But there's something else a little off about it. "Chan, go to sleep."

Chan shifts his weight uneasily from one foot to the other, not really knowing how to react now that he's been caught. He nods slowly, hesitates, and then starts walking towards the older members' shared room.

"Wait."

He stops, his heartbeat accelerating with every passing second. Woojin takes a step closer. And another. And another until he's right in front of him.

"What's wrong?" Woojin's expression is soft and concerned. Chan doesn't like it. He doesn't want Woojin to be worried about him on top of all of the other things they have to worry about.

Chan plasters a smile onto his face. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

"Chan."

Maybe it's the way Woojin says his name, like he matters - is the only one in the whole _world_ who matters. He feels himself falter, feels his smile become the slightest bit unsure.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little tired, I guess," It's not a lie, not a half-truth... just a very vague whole truth. He's tired physically, yes. Very much so. But what brought him to the living room in the first place is more mentally and emotionally draining.

In the dead silence of the dorm, Chan can almost hear the gears in Woojin's brain turning. Picking up all of the clues no matter how subtle, like how Chan's eyes are wavering, how his shoulders are tense, how his fingernails are definitely going to leave a mark in the flesh of his palms.

Woojin's eyes soften in quiet understanding. The worry on his face doesn't disappear, but he's always been the patient type. "Okay," he whispers. He smiles, small, but with enough warmth that all of Chan's doubts about the oldest immediately dissipates.

Woojin looks slightly unsure himself for a moment, but it's gone as quickly as it came. He takes that final step forward and pulls Chan into his chest.

Chan immediately buries his face in Woojin's pyjamas and shuts out the rest of the world, clinging to him like a lifeline.

**Author's Note:**

> the reasons that this fic exists:  
> 1) 'she's in the rain' by the rose is sO GOOD FUKC MY BOYS NEVER DISAPPOINT  
> 2) really late nights/really early mornings (aka emo hours)  
> 3) why the fuck is skz having another comeback they literally just finished promoting  
> 4) i have like 50 drafts but i wanted to work on something new and short  
> 5) i wanted to make something somewhat canon compliant  
> 6) there are no more reasons i just want to get to 9  
> 7) uh this was supposed to be fluffy chensung wtf happened  
> 8) my writing is either super fuckin flowery or super fuckin dull or maybe both  
> 9) this would probably be the first ANYTHING i've finished in approximately 8 months  
> also this is really cliche i'm so sorry but also not really because this is what i wanted to write so yeet  
> uM i appreciate constructive criticism but uh no pressure to comment!!!!  
> sorry my brain is actually fried i want bread ok i love you bye  
> 


End file.
